It happened yesterday...
ADI DUFRESNE
JANUARY 1994 - JANUARY 2007
Tuesday, on January 22nd, 2007, at 4:45 in the afternoon, my beloved and sweet Adi passed away. She would have been 13 years old this coming Friday. It all happened suddenly and it's still hard for me to realize that Adi is gone. She had been my friend, my life companion, and my family, for the past 13 years.
Adi became my baby when she was only seven weeks old. We were very close, always together, through the bad and good times. She travelled the world with me, was always by my side when I felt lonely, and now, I just miss her terribly...
Adi was the first and only person who was with me for that many years. Loosing her breaks my heart. I still am expecting Adi to just jump on my pillow and start purring, like she always did... When I entered the bedroom, her spot on my side of the bed is now empty. Tears get to my eyes so easy that I have no control over it. It's hard and it hurts.
I know that some of you my think that this is just a pet that died. I know that Aunt Karen just recently lost her mother AND her aunt, and that's a real tragedy. And it might seem like a lack of tact to write about a cat this way... But I am not trying to compare, never. These things cannot be compared. All what I want to say is that my Adi is gone... And that she was more than just a pet to me... She was with me longer than other of our animals, and even longer than Rob. And I am sad, terribly sad... I miss her and think of her every second. I am trying NOT to cry, but tears are coming out without asking me for permission.
Adi had the first stages of a kidney failure disease, and I noticed the difference in her behavior and her body pretty quick. So it was my decision to take Adi to the vet and... put her to sleep. My vet told me to come to their vet clinic the same day (yesterday). I called Rob and he left work earlier making sure that he will be home in time to take me and Adi to the vet. I am sooo thankful that he was with me the whole time. He supported me and held me strong through the preparations. I am very thankful, Baby, for being there for me, with your love and support and for being so understanding. I love you so much and I just couldn't even wish for a better husband than you. You are my love and my life! You knew what a hard time that was (and is) for me.
When we came to the vet, Doctor Cindy (I always call her Aunt Cindy) confirmed that Adi had the kidney failure disease. And that if I didn't catch it in time, Adi would have suffered a lot of pain and died in just the next few days. That made me feel less guilty, because now I knew that I was saving my kitty from a lot of unnecessary pain. I held her paw and her head when they gave her relaxation medicine, and later--when she got the injection. The nurse, and Dr. Cindy, were so sweet and gentle, and having my wonderful husband right by my side when Adi was falling into eternal sleep, lessen the pain. But I have to admit that I was in shock when Dr. Cindy held my arm and quietly said, Honey--she is gone... I couldn't believe that it happen so quick. I was still kissing Adi's forehead and talking to her, while my tears were making her soft fur wet. I really felt like my heart just broke a little... I insisted to pick Adi and put her in the white coffin that I prepared earlier, with a nice soft interior and a pillow, so she can rest comfortably. And as I picked her up, there was no resistance and I was shocked again about this feeling, which made me hurt even more and I just couldn't stop crying and saying how sorry I was... I guess my words were just repeating without sense, since I didn't even know what I was saying...
We buried Adi in our backyard, in between the nicest trees. My mommy (Kathryn), and dad(Tom), came for our little ceremony on Adi's grave. Rob did such amazing job with picking two flat stone plates to go on the top of Adi's little grave, and after he placed them, we lit a candle. It was getting dark, and Kathryn held me tight as we were both crying. Both Tom and Kathryn buried their beloved pets in their backyard too, so they knew what we felt. I just couldn't imagine being there without Rob and my sweet parents. It was very special. And I am so thankful for their love and understanding, and all the support. The candle was lit until we stayed up; I kept checking through the window. When we were getting ready to go to bed, the candle faded.
On that first picture Rob is holding Adi. That was when she and I first arrived to Okinawa. Adi loved Rob from the very first moment.
We miss you, Baby...
posted by Beata | 10:08 AM
22 Comments:
He Sweetie,
I am so sorry. I wish I was there to support you. I know how difficult this is for you and how much Adi meant to you. She was with you for so long. And losing a beloved pet that has been with you for so long is like losing a member of the family, it is just devastating. I know it was hard for you, but I am so thankful that you were able to save her from days of pain. Since I have a little experience with this is the last few months...believe me time will help heal and you will eventually be able to focus on all of the good times. It is so hard. Just like my mom, I knew that she was suffering and that now she is in a better place, but I still wish she were here with me. I know that is so selfish.
I promise I will have a "talk" with mom and make sure she takes good care of her for you until you see her again. Mom loved cats and always had them when she was younger. We wanted to get one for her a few years ago but the doctor didn't feel it was a good idea because of Katy's health. So now, with your permission, she can temporarily have Adi. Kind of silly, I know, but comforting.
Love Aunt Karen
We miss Adi. All of us.
You did right by your kitty, honey. You two were an inseparable team for 13 years, and she could count on you right up to her final day. You made the right decision. And in doing so, you saved her from a lot of suffering. You came through for her once again.
It's nice that Adi rests in her own back yard--a mysterious and intriguing "other" world for which she always seemed to long. She used to sit on the dining room window sill for hours studying the birds and squirrels or allow hypnosis to set in while absorbing the rhythmic sway of the trees. It's all hers now, and we'll all visit her every day.
Billie the cat is conspicuously less social today. Must've known Adi was sick. Certainly knows Adi's not here any more. The dogs know only that their mom is sad. Since Adi would grace them with her presence so rarely, it might take them another day to realize she's not around anymore. This Friday, on what would've been Adi's birthday, we plan a birthday party at Adi's place with plenty of treats for the dogs. We might even get Billie out there on a leash. It'll be fun.
My dearest Beatka, I'm sorry for your loss. And I'm proud of the way you have handled everything. Take your time, baby.
I love you.
**Aunt Karen, what you wrote was beautiful. You're so graceful, compassionate, and understanding. Like Beata said, this doesn't compare to what you and your family have gone through recently. But it's sad and significant, and my wife is really hurting. I thank you and love you.
Love Rob
My dearest Aunt Karen, thank you for your beautiful comment. It really means a lot to me seing you here. I know that time helps and everything will become less painful, and that is also what I have told you...:-) But I know that it is hard to wait for that to happen... Your situation is much more serious, but I really appreciate that you understand how important Adi was for me. And yes, she was my family for all those years. I loved when you wrote that Katy will take care of Adi now--how sweet! That brought smile on my face. Thank you for that. I love you sooooo much!!!
Honey, how beautifully you put it, with those sweet words. Thanks to you, I do know that I made the right decision. And you are right, she does loved the outside, but never could be trusted to be let out! Now she can enjoy the fresh air, the trees, and the grass. We will all celebrate her birthday on Friday--I love that idea. Thank you! I love you more than anything!!!!
I'm so sorry for your loss, Beata. I know how much a pet is a true member of the family. You don't have to justify feeling grief for Adi. My prayers are with you.
ah, sweetie..The pain of the loss of a loved one does not know the boundries of humanity. I know your heart is broken, and those of us with pets we've loved dearly, know exactly what you feeling now. I am so glad that Rob is there with you to help you with the initial grief and you will grieve for your sweet Adi for a long long time. BUT then you will start remembering her and smiling about her anitic. You go ahead and let all the tear come...Adi deserves them, as soon she will deserve your secret little smiles when she pops into your thoughts at the strangest times.
Dearest Beth and my sweet Aunt Cindy, thank you both for being so loving and understanding. She truely was our family member (I guess, the oldest one...) and her time had come. I did feel guilty at first, but then I understood that it was the right thing to do. Talking to you guys makes it better... I know I am not some weirdo who is crying over an animal... Thank you, Karen, Rob, Beth, and Cindy. I love you so much.
YOU are not a weirdo. In fact just a couple weeks ago Uncle John and Aunt Paulette were over and we were talking about our past pets, and their passings, and Aunt Paulette got so teary over Denver Dog, that we had to change the subject. Denver, was our Scooter's first puppy and we were so happy Aunt Paulette took him to raise. I think Denver lived about 13 years too, and it broke her heart to say goodbye, and even though he has been gone now a long time, and she has her beautiful Maggie, she still loves Denver enough to shed some tears for him too. So see, you are NOT weird at all, but a wonderful loving woman. I have always said you can't trust a person who is not kind and loving to kids or animals.
Aunt Cindy, thank you for telling me that story about Aunt Paulette. Adi will always have a special place in my heart. You are so sweet... That's why I call my vet not Dr. Cindy, but Aunt Cindy!
Beata, I really admire you for being there with Adi!Dan and I had to put my cat to sleep years ago when we were at Ft. Jackson and I couldnt bare to go. You were strong for her, and present. Something I now wish I had also done. Keep crying, always makes one feel better, and eventually those tears will turn into memories and smiles!Our thoughts are with you and Rob and Adi's siblings as you all go through this transition.Love you guys! Kellie&Dan, girls....
My heart is breaking for you. I lost my kitty Holly last Feb. after 11 years. He was my baby too so I understand completely. Pets are a huge part of a family too and there is an amazing bond there. I'll be thinking of you!! (and Rob)
The Rainbow Bridge
Just this side of heaven is a place called Rainbow Bridge.
When an animal dies that has been especially close to someone here, that pet goes to Rainbow Bridge.
There are meadows and hills for all of our special friends so they can run and play together. There is plenty of food, water and sunshine, and our friends are warm and comfortable.
All the animals who had been ill and old are restored to health and vigor. Those who were hurt or maimed are made whole and strong again, just as we remember them in our dreams of days and times gone by. The animals are happy and content, except for one small thing; they each miss someone very special to them, who had to be left behind.
They all run and play together, but the day comes when one suddenly stops and looks into the distance. His bright eyes are intent. His eager body quivers. Suddenly he begins to run from the group, flying over the green grass, his legs carrying him faster and faster.
You have been spotted, and when you and your special friend finally meet, you cling together in joyous reunion, never to be parted again. The happy kisses rain upon your face; your hands again caress the beloved head, and you look once more into the trusting eyes of your pet, so long gone from your life but never absent from your heart.
Then you cross Rainbow Bridge together....
To smutne, wiem co czujesz Beatko bo ja 3 lata temu też musiałam uśpić mojego psa. Do tej pory jak sobie o tym pomyślę to jest mi cholernie przykro. Nie martw się jak to się mówi - czas goi rany a przecież pozostają nam jeszcze wspomnienia...
Pozdrawiamy Ciebie i Robbiego cieplutko. Trzymaj się.
Hello Kellie, I was just thinking about you today and than I saw your comment. Thank you for sharing your experience with me. I wasn't sure if I could go through it either, but than I just felt like I really wanted to be there with her all the way. I hope that soon I will be able to think more positively... for now I just miss her and I feel bad that she is gone.
Kelly, thank you so much! You are so sweet. It is much easier when I see people like you (and all of you who left a comment here) understanding the situation and talking from experience. Adi was my girl. Totally mine. I had this bond with her like none else... I just miss her, every second.
Anetko kochana, dziekuje ci bardzo za ten slodki komentarz. Tak blyo mi przyjemnie zobaczyc ze napisalas... Tak strasznie tesknie za Adi i jakos nie moge uwierzyc ze jej juz nie ma... Kurcze, to tak boli. Sciskam was mocno i caluje!
Annonymus, thank you for this beautiful poem!!! I think I know who you are, but please let me know your name, I might be wrong. I would like to let you know how much I appreciate your sweet and warm comment.
Oh Beata I am still crying after reading your blog and that Rainbow Bridge poem....I know Adi was family and just how hard it is to let go when they need you to be the strong one for them. I hope your sadness gives way to remembering all the cute things Adi did and all the love she gave to you. Deciding to put Denver to rest was one of the most truamatic experiences in my life and I still have trouble talking of it....as does John since he had to bury Denver in sub-zero wind chills in frozen ground in January at our land while I sat crying in the warm jeep......the things your husbands will do for you! So I am thinking of you and wishing you happy memories of Adi and plenty of hugs, kisses and licks from Rob and the zoo to cheer you up
I sure wish I could have been here for you, Beata. And you didn't even tell me when I called--guess you didn't want me to be sad when I was flying home. As I read your blog, and all these beautiful comments, I cried. Adi will always be a part of your life, and nothing will take her place. But as someone else said, before long you'll start smiling when you remember her, and her presence will always be with you.
It was so neat seeing her grave in the backyard. The flat stones that Rob put there make it such an inviting place. And your candle was a loving touch.
I just got to the blogs a little bit ago, or I would have written sooner. Love you. Mom
Was outside at Adi's grave again. You and Rob have done a wonderful job making the location special. Adi was so lucky to be so well-loved.
it takes a great deal of love to let a pet go so they will not suffer, thinking of you, we have all been there and I know Pete and I have cried so hard when we have had four pets put to sleep and three got killed, it never gets easier, hang in there and just love the ones you have, I just realized we do not have a very good record and now I am sad
Agnieszka (24-01-2007 20:46)
Cześć ciociurku Beciurku!
Jest nam bardzo smutno.Nie wiem jak to jest stracić zwirzaka,bo mam dopiero pierwszego psa od 8 miesięcy,ale widziałam kiedyś jak papuga mojej koleżanki zdechła.Bawiłyśmy się wtedy na ogrodzie.Jej tata zakopał go w ziemi i zrobił krzyż.Było nam bardzo przykro.Przynajmniej Adi już nie cierpiała,skoro była chora...Ale nie martw się,będzie dobrze.Bardzo Cię kochamy i tęsknimy za tobą!
Oh man I just started crying at work! I totally understand the relationship you had with your kitty because that's what I have with mine. You're all alone, & they are always there with you. & next thing you know, you're talking about them like they're your children. I am so, so incredibly sorry. If you need to talk, I hope you call me! Love you!
Oh, you guys are wonderful. Thank you, thank you, thank you, for all the warm comments. It really helps to "talk" to you and hear your experiences. I lost many pets during my life, but Adi was with me in my adult life, until now.
Aunt Paulette, I can only only imagine how hard it was for you to watch Denver being buried, and with the circumstances... I am so sorry... I guess, like you, I will always get teary while thinking about Adi.
Mom, I didn't tell you about Adi over the phone because you were busy enough with your job interview and all those trips you were taking. I was just waiting for you to arrive to tell you what had happened. I am glad you like the place we chose for Adi in our backyard. Thank you for making dinner and for being so nice! :-)
Kamilka, kochanie moje! Dziekuje ci bardzo za twoje slodkie slowa... Takie jest zycie, traci sie ukochanych, a cos nowego sie i tez pojawia w naszym zyciu. Niech twoj piesek zyje dlugo i zdrowo! Kocham cie bradzo moj dupeczku maly.
Aunt Jane, thank you for visiting me here. And for your supporting words. You knew Adi more than others since you guys were so nice to let our kitties stay with you when we got to the US. You are right, we need to concentrate the rest of our loving zoo... They miss Adi too.
My dear Jessi, thank you for leaving your sweet comment! You are right, our pets become our children and that's how we talk and think about them. Adi was my first baby in my adult life and what a special one... But with her age and the fact that she was getting sick, makes me feel right about my decision. I would hate to see her suffer. I love you too, Jessi!
Beata, what a beautiful tribute! Adi was as lucky to have you as you were to have had her. Anybody, who has ever loved a pet, understands the pain. My Mario died September 15, 2005. He was born the year after my parents died, 1991. He was our most beloved cat ever. My heart goes out to you!
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